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Four AM

It’s four AM again and I can’t sleep
I didn’t hear your voice again last night.
I turn and fluff my pillow, tug the sheets
resist the urge to reach up for the light.

The morning sky is damp and gray
It’s raining, yet another day
and really, can I feel this way,
all stuffed with words afraid to say
while prudence dictates I delay

It’s not about those musky places,
but heart-to-hearts and face-to-faces,
us holding hands, our warm embraces,
and in your voice I find small traces
of comfort – my fear it erases.

The loud alarm now snaps me to my feet.
I shower in the dark.  The light’s too bright.
And when my morning ritual’s complete,
I’ll write down how I feel to set things right.

Resolved to share my thoughts with you,
my mind is racing as they brew.
Hoping I’ll not forget a few,
I recite phrases as they spew
’till pen and paper holds them true.

So, fearful that my reeling heart will show,
I’m careful with my words to not incite.
Yet feelings, too confused for me to know,
wash over me and fill me with delight.

For I suspect you feel the same
not sure enough, my heart to claim.
We’re caught up in a heady game,
where too much fervor might inflame
and then we’d have ourselves to blame.

Devour Me

I know where to touch you
As fingers incite follicles
And warm sweet breath invites a tender kiss.
And so familiar is this place
where, moist and musky, you succumb
eyes closed so you won’t see my face.
How dangerous to meet your eyes
And shiver when they touch that place.

Oh yes, I could devour you,
completely overpower you
but you just took my game away
with unfamiliar rules I play
Exposed now, I’ll just wait and see
And hope someday you’ll devour me.

Submission

Tidying the crumpled mass of white,
Disarray attesting frenzied heat,
Morning mood more somber than last night,
Alone after another fast retreat.

Our crucial choice invoked by meager time,
Synergic dancing tongues or soulful eyes,
Submitting to the pull of that most prime,
Followed by uncomfortable goodbyes.

Patiently, I hope you’ll meet my stare,
Answering compassion hanging there,
I’ll settle just to hold your hand,
until you can.

Estranged

Lying beside you in the gloaming,
So natural to roll over and bury my face
under the shadow of your darkening profile,
lifting my heart on your dizzying scent.
I have to fight the urge,
lest I forget that I can’t do that anymore.
My head no longer welcome on your chest,
my fingers hungry for the warmth of your back
must be restrained.
My lips, now estranged, quiver
as the memory of your velvet kiss awakens them.
After you left the room,
I buried my face in your pillow
and drank you in.
Every smile invites my fingertips
to caress your stubbled cheek,
’till I remember.
Every harsh word wounds more deeply
knowing there will be no gentle whisperings
to complete the day.

Attempting Temperance

Attempting temperance.
Suppressing sudden impulse to send fingertips
or quivering lips
usurping warmth from flesh of neck.
Embarrassment as ardor jumps the gate
and loving arms encircle from the back
accepting that you won’t reciprocate.

The Couple

Young eyes reflect a battle weary soul.
They gaze from shadowed sockets, parchment skin
stretched over skeletal visage. He holds
her hand, her gnarled knuckles laced within
his plump brown digits, as she rests her head
upon his shoulder. Standing on the train,
I wonder what afflicts her. Almost dead,
she sits beside him. Trying to sustain
her, tenderly he kisses her white brow.
She reaches up to meet him with her lips.
As the train stops, I exit with the crowd
leaving the car. I’ll not forget that trip.

Promise Me

Please promise me you’ll never promise me.
No crueler master can there be than hope.
It lingers and invites seductively
my desperate hand upon it’s safety rope.

Too many times I’ve grasped a tempting line
and fallen, holding hemp that’s torn and frayed,
recovered to a footing truly mine,
and gathered up my strength, while there I stayed.

Year after year I stubbornly ascend,
clasping each jagged crag with fingers torn.
It’s on my dogged will that I depend,
no longer on men’s pledges, sweetly sworn.

Gusty Lover

His icy fingers, grazing cheeks,
brutally toss my hair about my face.
Whipping open my coat, he seeks
to grasp my naked limbs in harsh embrace.

Clutching my clothes around my frame,
I march on disregarding every gust.
Too risky now to play his game
and chance my fragile poise to winter lust.

Adrift

I need to cast myself adrift again,
Let go the tether holding me to you,
That faintest hope that you’ll remember when
Nothing else existed but we two.

For long before you hoisted your first sail,
Before my first three-wheeler cycle ride,
Our souls, connected, without much travail
Soared across the heavens side by side.

I recognize the corners of your smile.
Familiar is the warmth surrounding you.
That’s why I chose to linger here awhile,
In hopes that you’d remember my soul too.

Remember and let go your earthly chains
and love with full abandon, as before.
Forgetting we’re subject to life’s domains,
we reach inside our hearts to find much more.

But circumstances hold you close to land,
Only to take flight aided by machine.
Unable to reach out and take my hand,
You soar alone, then return to routine.

So this short trip to earth is not our time.
We found each other much too late to join.
While lost inside your arms life is sublime,
I must ignore the tugging at my loin.

And I must stop aspiring to provoke
Your memory of aeons of delight.
When understanding, ‘though no words we spoke,
We knew no light, no dark, no day, no night.

Free Fall

Trembling tongues tentatively touch
through parted velvet lips.
Luscious, liquid body
falling, falling, falling
into you.